


lose you again

by lavenderkasp



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier-centric, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Homophobia, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, i dont know what other tags to use, i have a family to feed, other losers are briefly mentioned but they're there, please just read it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-25 20:23:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20730230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavenderkasp/pseuds/lavenderkasp
Summary: Richie and Eddie are about to go off to college and decide it's a good time to realize they've been in love with each other since they were kids. Loosely inspired by the song "Lose You Again" by Walk The Moon. Pay attention to the dates at the beginning of each chapter, this story spans across a few years.





	1. what are friends for?

**Author's Note:**

> tw for homophobia (just for the first chapter)! and the italics at the beginning of each chapter are the lyrics from the song that inspired the chapter

_ Somebody tripped the alarm _

_ Oh I found Eden and saw too much _

_ Now my angels are dressed up in armor _

_ Tell me why _

July 15, 2017

Every Saturday morning at exactly eight, Eddie Kaspbrak found himself in the waiting room of Derrys only clinic, the routine so engraved in his mind he could tell you everything that was going to happen before it did. They checked his height, his weight, his blood pressure, his temperature, and if he was lucky, the doctors would draw blood but only if his mom pestered them enough. His relationship with his mother was, in a word, complicated. For as long as he could remember, she had tried convincing him, doctors and even herself that there was something wrong with her son. It wasn’t until two years ago, when Eddie showed up to his doctor appointment alone for the first time, that he learned the truth. 

After the appointment, Eddie drove himself home. It had taken months of convincing but his mom finally agreed to get him a Volvo, one of the safest cars out there. He was only allowed to go out on the weekends and had to give her a forty eight hour warning beforehand; regardless, the keys always went to her as soon as he got home. He let his mind wander as he adjusted the music volume, making sure it was at an even number before he could really enjoy the sound. Singing along he found himself stifling a yawn, eager to curl back into bed under his light blue covers. As he walked through the front door, his mother was waiting for him at the dining room table.

“Eddie, sweetie. Come in here, please. We need to talk.” She spoke, her voice low and serious, her hand outstretched as she waited for the keys. He kissed her cheek and greeted her, finding his place in the seat across from her.

“What’s going on?” He questioned.

“There’s a lot of things you’ve decided to do that I’ve kept quiet about. Even though I find it ridiculous, I’m allowing you to go to school for art. Even though your friends are reckless and immature, I allow you to hang out with them. But the one thing I refuse to condone is this new lifestyle you’ve chosen to live.” She said, her hands crossed in front of her.

“What lifestyle, ma? What are you talking about?” He didn’t even want to mention the fact that he had gotten a full ride to the college he was attending he in the fall, nor did he want to mention that his friends more often than not hung out without him because he wasn’t allowed out. 

“One of my coworkers mentioned that their son saw you on an app where men find other men… to date.” She spoke, her voice unwavering. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” His heart pounded in his chest and he hoped she couldn’t hear it echoing. 

“I had a feeling you would say that.” She reached down below the chair and pulled out a folder filled with pictures. “Is this you? It looks like you.” Images that he recognized all too well were spread out on the table in front of him. His dating profile, his name, his age, the gay fucking flag emoji next to it. The room felt clammy and his blood ran cold. 

“I’ve seen enough. This lifestyle is unacceptable, you were raised better than this. Don’t you know how sick you can get? Did you know that one in seven men are living with HIV, unaware of it?” She continued, pulling pamphlets out of the folder. Eddie looked at the words in front of him, the words staring back as if they were trying to burn a hole through his chest. His hands trembled as he reached out to grab one.

_ DRT: DERRY REPARATIVE THERAPY _

_ HEALING HOMOSEXUALITY _

_ DERRY COUNSELING _

_ IF GAY DOESN’T DEFINE YOU, YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE GAY_

“Yes, Eddie! Grab one, they’ll help us. We don’t have to go through this alone.” Conversion therapy. Reparative therapy. Fucking prison. Whatever you want to call it, his mom thought sending her eighteen year old son would be the best idea. He felt sick as he thought of all of the horror stories he had read about these places.

_ My Hellish Youth in Gay Conversion Therapy and How I Got Out _

_ A Conversion Camp Creates a Ticking Time Bomb of Violent Rage _

“You’re joking, right? You don’t think I’d actually go to one of these, do you?” He questioned, his anxiety melding with anger. 

“Eddie, honey, you’re sick. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you but it’s not too late. We can get through this. I’ve already called and they’re more than willing to help.”

“I’m sick? You’re fucking _ crazy _. This is ridiculous and you know it. You can’t keep acting like you can control every aspect of my life! I’ve had enough of this bullshit.” He said, his voice getting louder by the minute. Before his mother could protest, he ran upstairs, using her immobility to his benefit.

Slamming the door behind him, he collapsed onto the bed, trying to ignore the tears welling up. He wasn’t sick. He was normal. He knew was normal, right? A vibration in his pocket distracted him from his thoughts and he looked down to see five text messages. 

**richie:**

**not to freak u the fuck out or anything but**

**richie:**

**did u know u can never buy an unused mirror**

**richie:**

**someone has always looked at that shit before u how fucking wild is that**

**richie:**

**i think its pretty fucking wild**

**richie:**

**you should be home by now text me back i miss u ):**

He ignored the messages, allowing the tears to fall and stain his pillowcase. 

**richie:**

**if ur gonna ignore me at least turn off ur read receipts dummy**

Well, he attempted to ignore the messages.

**eddie:**

**hi sorry im home**

**richie:**

**spaghetti :D**

**eddie:**

**nows not the time**

**richie:**

**whats going on**

**richie:**

**did the doctors make fun of u again cuz u didnt grow**

**eddie:**

**my mom knows im gay**

**eddie:**

**she wants me to go conversion therapy**

**eddie:**

**can we stop with the fucking jokes now**

**richie:**

**holy shit eds are u okay**

**richie:**

**dont answer that its a stupid question im on my way**

**eddie:**

**you really think she’s gonna let me leave right now?**

**richie:**

**guess we’re back to good ole air bud. ill be there in ten**

Eddie felt a small smile creep up onto his face, Air Bud was what Richie decided to name Eddies window. Eddies mother had never liked his friends and one night in middle school, Richie insisted that they watch Air Bud together, claiming it was the best feel good movie on the century. Naturally, he thought it would be a good idea to climb up through the window and surprisingly, no bones were broken in the process. Eddies mother didn’t hear a thing, often sleeping downstairs while the boys watched some shitty movie after an equally shitty day. Of course, Richie decided that the window needed to be named and it only made sense to commemorate the first time of many that he had snuck in through it. Even when Richie wasn’t there, Eddie still found himself comforted at the mere memories of their shenanigans.

Disrupting his nostalgia, he heard two sticks bounce off his window, signaling that Richie was here. He opened up the window and plopped back onto his bed as Richie fiddled with the ladder attached to the side of the house. After a few minutes of struggling, Eddie saw a mess of black curls make its way into his room. Richies lanky figure flopped over the windowsill, a much clumsier version of Romeo and Juliet. He closed the window quietly and joined Eddie on his twin bed, something the two of them did quite often. Richie placed his hand on Eddies knee, rubbing it apologetically as Eddie felt the tears well up again.

“Spaghetti please don’t cry because if you cry then I’m gonna cry and if I cry then you’re gonna cry even harder and we’ll never be able to stop.” Richie spoke, his voice soft. Eddie took a moment to take in the situation. It wasn’t even ten in the morning and his best friend, who could very easily sleep until one in the afternoon, was awake to make sure his doctor's appointment had gone okay, was sitting here with him now when he could be watching Teen Titans, like he does every Saturday.

“Are you wearing fucking Christmas pajamas?” Eddie questioned, noticing the mixes of greens and reds.

“Tis the season!”

“Richie it’s summer.”

“Okay and? Accept the fact that anytime can be Christmastime before I tell the big guy to give you coal this year. Plus, it made you smile didn’t it? Worth it in my book.” Richie replied. Admittedly, it did bring a smile to his face. Richie always looked cute but quite frankly, these pajamas made him look adorable. 

“Thank you for coming, I appreciate it.” Eddie spoke as he pulled Richie down for a hug. 

“Woah Eds, you didn’t even buy me dinner first, watch yourself.” Richie replied, laughing at the poor word choice. Eddie couldn’t even bring himself to comment back. Instead, he shoved Richie off the bed, laughing as he hit the ground. 

“Tough crowd.” Richie spoke from below, grabbing Eddies hand and pulling him down too. “I’m too lazy to get back up, pull down a blanket.” 

Richie laid with his arms splayed out, Eddie fitting perfectly in the open space. Richie tousled Eddies hair, the way he used to when they were kids.

“You don’t have to thank me you know. Anytime you need me, I’ll be here for you. Even if you make fun of my Christmas jimjams.” Richie said, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“Jimjams? You make it so easy, Rich.” 

The two boys laid on the floor, the conversation drifted between the events that had unfolded downstairs and their plans for the summer. Eddie felt his eyes flutter, exhaustion hitting him like a train. 

“I know you said I don’t need to thank you but seriously, thanks.” 

“I’m like this badass guardian angel, all I need is some armor and I’ll be ready to defeat Shitty Sonia.” Richie replied with a small laugh. “But seriously, what are friends for?”

Eddie simply nodded in response, wondering why that last comment seemingly hurt more than the exhaustion.


	2. we have tonight

_ And I was holding your hand like this _

_ The inevitable first kiss _

_ Now the Devil was bored that mornin’ _

_ Hurt so deep _

_ We’re too young to end like this _

August 12, 2019

A month had passed since Eddie’s blowout with his mother and he found himself spending more time with his friends, specifically Richie. Thankfully, Richie's mother Maggie was well aware of Eddie's home situation and she graciously offered up her home to him even though they had no extra rooms.

“You can take Richie's room, he’ll be fine on the couch.” Maggie insisted as she tossed clean sheets in Eddies direction. For the past few weeks, Eddie had been at the Tozier household every day up until dinner time, telling his mom that he had gotten a summer job.

“I don’t want to intrude, Ms. Tozier. You’ve done more than enough.”

“Hush! You’re never intruding. You’ve always been my favorite.” She replied with a wink.

“Why are you lying when we all know Stan is your favorite friend.” Richie said defensively.

“I meant favorite  _ boyfriend _ .” Maggie retaliated, as if the answer was obvious. Eddie felt his cheeks warm and looked over at Riche, only for him to avert his gaze.

_ “ _ Mags, how many times do I need to tell you we’re not dating?” Richie questioned.

“Richard, how many times do I need to tell you not to call me Mags?” 

“Sorry Mags, I’ll do better next time.” He said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before him and Eddie made their way to his room. Sending his mom a text, Eddie told her he got asked to work the late shift and was going to spend the night at Bill’s house, seeing as she trusted him the most. Before she could reply with a protest, he slid his phone back into his pocket and wrapped himself up in the sheets Maggie had given him.

“You know those… go on the bed, right?” Richie asked.

“This is so much more fun, now I get to take the bed with me.” Eddie replied, pulling the sheets up over his head. Richie took his comforter off his bed, thinking the only logical thing to do was to join Eddie. The two of them sat their on Richie’s almost bare bed, wrapped in the safety of their respective blankets. Sitting in silence, he let his mind start to wander. Thoughts about college, his friends and Eddie infiltrated his head. He wondered why Eddie got his own separate thought, he wondered why he always had and why it had taken him so long to notice. Before he knew what he was doing, he felt his hand inching closer to Eddies. He wasn’t sure if Eddie noticed, but it didn’t seem to matter as he glanced at the clock. Richie remembered they only had a few minutes before the rest of the gang came and picked them up, pulling his hand away as he stood up. Bill had decided it would be a good idea to go bowling tonight and they all agreed; the seven of them hadn’t hung out together in what felt like forever and they all missed each other more than words could express.

Hopping off the bed, the two of them headed outside to wait for Bill. His mom ran a catering company and if he was lucky, he got to take the minivan out. Despite the fact that almost all of them each had their own cars, this was the only one big enough to fit them all at once. The seven of them in the same space often led to chaos and Eddie bit back a smile as he remembered the time Stan made Bill pull off the highway to try and save a bird he had seen. 

The van rolled into the driveway, Bev opening up the door to hug the boys and shove them inside. Richie and Eddie piled in, greeting their friends as they did. Richie buckled and did what he normally did, rolled down the window and stuck his head out. He was thankful to have found such an incredible group of friends, a group that dealt with his chaos and loved him through it all. Some people had drugs, some writing and others had exercise; everyone has their coping mechanisms. Richie had his friends, he had car rides, and he had open windows. With his hair whipping back into his face and Eddie yelling at him to take off his glasses because “if they fall off there’s no fucking way they’ll be seen again”, he felt whatever worries he had melt away. College would be okay, he was going to stay on top of his grades and make himself proud. His friends would be good, they all promised to stay in touch and he knew they would. Eddie would be Eddie, the hardest to leave but the easiest to wrap in a hug when they eventually visited one another.

Pulling into the bowling alley, Richie jumped out of the car first, reaching out his hand for Eddie, determined for some reason to hold this boys hand, even if it killed him.

“Watch your step, my good fellow!” He spoke, his trademark British accent heavy in his voice. Ignoring the gesture and commenting on his accent, Eddie got out of the car and made his way inside to secure the lanes.

* * *

A couple hours had passed and the alley was almost empty. Stan, unsurprisingly, was winning. Scratch that, he was absolutely destroying the others. The most logical out of the group, Stan knew exactly how to win from the foot stance to the music that needs to be playing. Naturally, Richie accused him of cheating.

“It’s not Stan’s fault you suck, Tozier!” Beverly spoke, sipping on her Coke.

“I don’t suck, Marsh. I choose to be bad. I don’t want Stanny thinking he can’t bowl.” Richie replied, a shit eating grin plastered on his face.

“You choose to be worse than the six year old girl that was here earlier?” Mike called out.

“You only have six more points than me, you’re just defending your boyfriend! If this was WII Sports I’d be crushing all of you fuckers.” Richie said.

“At least he doesn’t need to have the rails up.” Ben spoke, gesturing to Eddie who, despite their insistence that this was all just for fun, felt the need to use the protective rails every time.

“Leave Spaghetti alone, if it helps him get closer to beating Stan it’s fine by me.” Richie said, waiting for the others look away before throwing a wink in Eddie’s direction. They played a few more turns, Stan ultimately claiming victory and decided to head to the small gaming area in the corner of the alley. A claw machine, an air hockey table, Street Fighter and a Pac-Man game wasn’t nearly enough to classify as an arcade but in a town that small, they would take what they could get. Bill and Mike bolted for the air hockey table, the two of them had had a year long competition going and clearly it didn’t seem to be ending any time soon. Stan went for Street Fighter, Ben and Bev went for Pac-Man and Richie and Eddie headed to the claw machine. For as long as any of them could remember, Riche had had his heart set on a certain stuffed animal. It was a purple stegosaurus stuffed animal, green fluffy spikes trailing down its spine. He’d spent countless hours and even more money on this machine and each time to no avail.

“Seriously, Rich? Is this really how you’re gonna spend your last summer?” Eddie questioned.

“Beats spending it inside of your mother!” Richie replied, holding up his hand for a high five. Maybe if Eddie had high fived him, he could’ve segwayed into hand holding from there but instead, Eddie simply rolled his eyes and walked over to Stan. Richie put in his last two quarters, crossed his fingers and maneuvered the claw to the dinosaur. Three spots to the left, one back, two to the right, drop the claw and  _ finally  _ he had grabbed the stuffed animal by its tail.

“Everyone, I have an announcement. After three years and too much money to count, I’m pleased to tell you all that I’m the motherfucking claw machine master.” Richie spoke, holding the dinosaur out proudly. His friends congratulated him and took this as an okay to head out. They all finished their respective games and headed towards the door, Eddie hanging back, as usual, to talk to Richie.

“I do have to say I'm impressed. I never thought this day would come.” Eddie spoke, nudging Richies shoulder with his. 

“Honestly? Me either. But now that it has, I get to do this.” Richie replied, handing the prize over to Eddie. Noticing the confused look on his face, he continued, “I remember you telling me Jurassic Park was one of your favorite movies, I just thought it’d be something nice for you to take to school with you. You know, so you don’t forget me.”

“I told you this was my favorite movie when we first met, how the hell did you remember?”

“I may not remember what day it is but I do remember the important stuff.” He replied with a small smile.

“Thanks, Richie. I almost feel bad taking it, I know how hard you worked to try and get this.”

“It was never for me, though. Well. The winning part was because fuck that felt good but the stuffed animal itself I always knew I wanted to give to you.” 

Eddie felt his cheeks warm at the comment, hugging the stuffed animal tight as he walked. As the two walked in comfortable silence, still hanging behind their friends, he noticed Mike and Stan holding hands. It had taken them a while but they were both finally on the same page, comfortable with small gestures such as these in public. Eddie felt his heartstrings pull, he wanted something like that so badly he thought if it didn’t come soon he would explode. Letting his arms drop, they swung happily at his sides. Richie glanced down, noticing the available hand.

_ If he had wanted to hold your hand he would’ve done it already, dumbass. Why do you care so much anyway? Just fucking do it!  _ Richie thought to himself. His fingers twitched as they reached out for Eddies, gently brushing before looking away as if nothing had happened. A couple seconds passed and he glanced back down. Eddie hadn’t pulled his hand away. Richie gave himself a mental pep talk, drowning out the chatter of his friends in front of him. Their fingers brushed again and Eddie looked up, realizing now that this was intentional. Richies hand awkwardly rested on Eddies, unsure of how to move forward, unsure if this was something Eddie wanted too. As if he could read his mind, Eddie looked up and locked eyes with Richie. Their dark brown eyes met and Eddie took a minute to take in the sight in front of him. Despite his crooked glasses and his somehow-still-messy-from-the-wind hair, he looked as beautiful as ever. Eddie interlocked his hands with Richies, chuckling to himself as he noticed the immediate blush that crept up his neck. Normally, Eddie was an anxious person and he would’ve felt the need to make sure that this was okay. But with Richie, no clarification was necessary. From the reassuring squeeze to the genuine joy in his eyes, Eddie knew that yes, this was okay. They held hands up until they had to get in the car, both of them piling into the back. In typical Richie fashion, he rolled down the window and stuck his head out, reaching for Eddies hand as he did so. The entire ride home, their hands never parted.

Soon enough, they were pulling into Richies driveway and saying their goodbyes, promising to see each other next weekend. Pulling out the spare key Maggie had made for him, Eddie let himself in and headed over to Richies room. Realizing he had left his pajamas at home, he sat on the edge of the bed and started doing what he does best, thinking. Richie had spent years trying to win him a stuffed animals. Friends do that, right? They had held hands today. They had shared beds in the past too but for some reason, this felt different. Eddie had no fucking clue what to do. 

“Anyway I can borrow some pajamas tonight?” Eddie questioned as Richie walked in, thankful for a distraction. Richie shut the door quietly and agreed, but only if he got to pick them out. Eddie knew he really didn’t have a choice and sat back as Richie scoured through his drawers. He pulled out an old grey t-shirt with the word “Freeses” written on it. Freeses was a department store a couple blocks away from Richies house but since he was there so often, the manager gave him one of the shirts for free.

“What, no Christmas pajamas?” Eddie asked as he took the shirt from Richie.

“If you want to, sure. But I for one think you look cuter in this.” Richie replied, tossing him a pair of shorts and walking into the bathroom to change. Eddie threw on the borrowed t-shirt, laughing at the fact that it hung so low. Richie wasn’t even that much taller than Eddie, he just always made a point to buy his shirts baggier than they needed to be. 

Richie walked out of the bathroom, grey sweatpants hanging off his hips with a plain red shirt to match. Usually the two of them would stay up until all hours talking about everything and nothing, but all Eddie wanted to talk about was the hand holding.

“We should talk, right?” Richie asked, plopping down on the bed. Eddie felt his heart beat race, unable to form a sentence. Calmness momentarily washed over him when he took a breath in, the smell of Richies shirt oh so comforting. Richies hand grabbed Eddies, interlocking fingers for the third time that night.

“Is this… okay?” Richie questioned, almost as if he was afraid of the answer.

Eddie swallowed his anxiety and nodded in response. Before he knew what was happening, he felt himself leaning in. By the look on Richie's face, he didn’t know what was happening either. Eddie's free hand moved to Richies cheek, his thumb grazing his lip as he pulled Richie closer. Their lips met, both of them unsure of how to proceed in the unfamiliar territory. They had both kissed other people, sure. But never like this. In fact, Richie thought he’d be okay if Eddie was the only person he ever kissed. Richies used his free hand to pull Eddie even closer, stopping to run his fingers through his hair. All of the seemingly harmless flirting, sharing beds, and late night conversations seemed to make so much more sense now. No matter what way Eddie tried to look at this, he knew that this was inevitably going to happen and he was so unbelievably glad it happened sooner rather than later.

“Was that… okay?” It was Eddies turn to ask. Richie pulled him back in for another kiss.

“Does that answer your question?” The two of them laughed, falling back on the bed, their hands remaining interlocked. “Eddie what the fuck are we doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean what are we doing. I like you, Eds. A lot. Now that I say it out loud I don’t think I can remember a time where I didn’t like you. Did you know I carry around an extra inhaler, just in case you can’t find yours in time? Did you know I went to three different claw machines before I found the one with the perfect dinosaur? That you’re the first person I text every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to bed? Because honestly, I don’t know what part of me thought these were things that just friends do.” Richie said.

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like you. I like you. I like you so much it kinda fucking scares me but at the same time I want to scream it from every rooftop in this godforsaken town. I like you so much that if it came down to you or a Pomeranian, I’d choose you every time. And you  _ know  _ how much I love dogs. I just wish we had more time, this could’ve been so fucking good.” Eddie replied, his voice getting quiet as his fingers brushed Richie's hair out of his eyes. 

“What do you mean more time? We have our whole lives ahead of us.”

“Richie, think about it. We have the summer and then we’re going to different colleges. That isn’t fair to either of us, for our first real relationship to end in a matter of months.”

“I thought you liked me.” Richie spoke, his voice laced with hurt.

“Of course I do but seriously? We need to think about this, for real. We’ve been friends for too long to fuck it up now. Leaving Derry, leaving you, it’s already gonna hurt like hell. We’re too young for it all to end like this.” Eddie replied, his eyes welling with tears.

“We have tonight though, right?”

“Yeah, we have tonight.” Eddie blinked, letting a few tears fall down his cheeks. Richie wiped them away, only to reveal he was crying too. He felt like he had just gotten Eddie, the last thing he wanted to do was lose him. Richie pulled the smaller boy into his chest, resting his head on his chin. No matter how many times Eddie protested, they both knew he was born to be the little spoon. He placed a kiss on his forehead and closed his eyes. They had tonight. And that was just going to have to be okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u all liked this!! the next chapter is a bit shorter


	3. too scared to give it away

_ I remember the rain that day _

_ I remember I held your face _

_ Now the tears are rolling, rolling, cut so deep _

_ Too scared to give it away _

August 18, 2017

There was a week left until move in day and Richie had just started packing. How was he supposed to pack up his entire room, the past eighteen years, into a few cardboard boxes? He knew moving was going to be hard, but he didn’t think this part was going to be particularly challenging. Everything had a memory attached to it and he found it hard to leave it in Derry. There was no reason his first concert ticket and his three year old disposable camera needed to go with him, but he found no valid reason to leave them behind. It’s not even like he was going ridiculously far. He had gotten accepted to Boston University’s video game development program and he couldn’t have been happier. He’d grown up playing them with Stan and from there, his passion for the field just grew. It was a place where he could express himself, have fun and wear what he wanted to in the process. His mom was incredibly proud of him but more importantly, he was proud of himself.

A week had passed since that night with Eddie and even though they still talked, Richie couldn’t fully describe what he was feeling. There was a small part of him that wished nothing had ever happened, that wished he didn’t know what he was going to be missing. Almost as if on cue with his melancholy attitude, he looked up and noticed it was raining. Falling lightly, he found a slight comfort in the weather outside. After hitting the ground, it always found a way to get back up and he knew he would too, he just wasn’t sure how long it was going to take. 

Interrupting his thoughts he heard a knock on the door. He ignored it, assuming it was just the mail, but the knocking grew incessant. The rain was picking up outside, falling heavier, harder and loudly as it bounced off his roof. He opened up the front door to see a completely drenched Eddie standing in front of him.

“Holy shit, Eds. Are you okay? You’re gonna get sick come in.” Richie spoke, opening up the door and gesturing him to come inside.

“I know it’s only been a week but fuck, Richie, this has been one of the hardest weeks in a while. I wanted to tell you I’m putting in the paperwork to transfer to BU, I don’t wanna do this without you.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about this. About us. We can do this. We can make it work. BU has a great psych program, my grades are good, I know they’ll take me.” Eddie spoke. Richie thought he was crazy and as much as Richie liked crazy, he couldn’t let Eddie do this.

“Eddie, c'mon. Let’s think this through. Your mom would never let you go that far from home, let alone the fact that you’ve already been accepted somewhere. Do you know how hard it is to do transfers like this? I can’t let you potentially ruin your future over this.” Richie replied. He noticed Eddies face was wet, he wasn’t sure if it was from the tears threatening to spill or the torrential downpour outside. The sight alone put a lump in Richies throat. 

Richies hands cupped Eddies face, wiping away what he decided were tears. He could see the pain in Eddies eyes, his own hurt looking back at him. There was no easy way to do this. There was never going to be an easy way. He pulled Eddie close, placing a small kiss on his forehead before wrapping him in a hug and taking him inside.

They stood in silence as Richie got the other boy a towel and a clean shirt. Eddie broke the silence first, apologizing for his irrationality.

“It’s not irrational, it’s just not ideal right now. There’s nothing I want more than to go to school with you, to wake up every morning and get shitty coffee with you, but it’s just not gonna work right now. This week was hard as fuck for me too but the more I thought about it, the more I realized you were right. I guess if something is meant to happen, I guess it will. We just can’t try and control when.” Richie replied, his voice tender.

“Since when did you become the wise one?” Eddie asked through sniffles.

“I don’t know. I fucking hate it. I wish there was something we could do.” Richie spoke. He was terrified. They were both terrified. The thought of losing one another was scarier than any nightmare that would end in tears, scarier than any haunted house imaginable. 

“I’m scared, Richie. I don’t want to lose you. Hand holding and gay shit aside, you’re my best fucking friend.” 

“I’m not going anywhere. We’re going to be okay.” Richie replied. 

The two of them made their way to the couch, Richie turning on the TV and scrolling through Netflix for something for them to watch. Eddie nestled his head into Richie’s shoulder, the two of them fitting together like puzzle pieces. 

“Don’t you have to finish packing?” Eddie questioned.

“It can wait. I already told you, I’m not going anywhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i told y'all this one was gonna be shorter i'm sorry


	4. some things never change

_ I don't wanna lose you again _

_ I don't wanna lose you again, again _

June 9, 2021

Moving the tassel to the left and cheering, Eddie felt a sense of pride wash over him. He had made it. He had made the best of his time at Framingham State University and graduated with a degree in psychology, just like he had told himself he would.

“Class of 2021, before I let you all go, I have one last piece of advice. May you walk the tightrope as gracefully as possible, true to your values and successful in the path you choose to pursue. While some things are undoubtedly out of your control, never underestimate the power you hold to make your own path. Congrats to the class of 2021!” The Dean spoke as shouts erupted from the audience. 

After congratulating the rest of his classmates, Eddie hopped in the car and headed back to Derry. About a month ago, he had gotten a phone call that his mother passed away and he went back to take care of all the logistical issues; the house, the funeral. Besides that, he hadn’t been back in four years, his apartment lease allowed him to stay on campus all year so he never found a reason to go back. The paperwork with the house was still tied up but as soon as it was settled, he was heading to Chicago and never looking back. He had gotten offered a job there near the beginning of his senior year. A center for children dealing with abuse had reached out to him after hearing fantastic news from the office that housed his internship and he couldn’t be happier. It had taken him a while to accept the fact that at the end of the day, the relationship between him and his mother had been abusive and manipulative but once he did, he knew he wanted to help other children that had gone through similar things. 

He decided to stop for coffee before heading home, having missed “Impresso Espresso” and their overpriced coffee. Walking into the shop he was hit with the familiar smells, uninvited memories flooding back to him. He remembered the hours him and his friends would spend here, studying for whatever test they had next. He remembered coming to visit Ben Hanscom, the first out of all of them to get a job. He had made new friends in college, sure. But he knew he would never find another group as great as that one again. It wasn’t like he hadn’t kept in touch, he had tried, but they were all busy. Bev had gone to NYU for fashion and ended up sharing an apartment with Stan, who ended up studying to be a museum curator. Ben was at some college in the Midwest that nobody could remember the name of, but based on his Instagram updates and sporadic text messages, Eddie knew he was doing well. Mike had gotten a full ride to the University of Cincinnati for football and based on all the news articles written about “The Bearcats leading quarterback”, he seemed to be doing well for himself as well. Bill had chosen to stay in Derry, helping his mom with her catering company whenever he had spare time. The only person he wasn’t really sure about was Richie. He seemed to be doing well, but Eddie knew well enough that Richie  _ always  _ seems to be doing well, even if he’s feeling like utter shit. They had promised they weren’t going to lose touch and to be fair, they made it through the first year, texting almost every other day and facetiming once a month. But after that, school got harder and friendships got scarcer. 

But today was Eddies day. He had graduated and he wasn’t going to allow himself anymore time for sad nostalgia. He made his way to the counter, grabbed his coffee and a newspaper, and sat down in one of the booths near the window. 

“Who even reads the newspaper anymore?” A voice asked him, sitting down in front of him.

“Do you mind?” Eddie asked, not even being bothered to look up.

“No, do you?” The voice replied. A beat of uncomfortable silence passed, uncomfortable enough for Eddie to add a face to the voice and look up. Sitting in front of him was a handsome man that would’ve looked around his age, if not for the mess of hair.

“Holy shit. Richie?” It had taken Eddie a minute or so but once he saw the crooked glasses resting on his nose, he knew for sure.

“In the flesh!”

“What the  _ fuck  _ are you doing here?” Eddie questioned.

“I could ask you the same thing.”

The two of them stayed in that booth for what felt like minutes but was truly hours. They caught up on everything that had happened since the last time they had seen each other, every minute detail that may have seemed irrelevant to others was shared. Eddie felt a familiar sense of comfort, words flowing out of him easier than ever before.

“So… are you seeing anyone?” Richie asked the question they both had been thinking.

“Not to sound like a Nicholas Sparks book but if I’m being honest, it was kinda hard to date after everything that happened.”

“What do you mean everything that happened?”

“Are you really gonna make me say it?” Eddie questioned. Richie simply blinked in response.

“Some things never change, huh? It was hard to date other people because I never got over the fucking idiot sitting in front of me. Happy?”

“Only if you mean it.”

“Are you… seeing anyone?”

“Does your mother count?”

“My mom died a month ago, further proof that you’re an idiot.” The stunned look in Richie's eyes set Eddie off, laughing so hard he thought he was going to cry. Here he was, sitting in front of his high school crush way after high school ended, talking about his dead mom. Even he could recognize that it was a little funny. Richie gushed out apologies left and right, unsure of how to handle Eddies reaction.

“Anyway, no. I’m not seeing anyone. I tried but nothing ever worked out. Always felt like I was missing something.” Richie replied once Eddie’s laughing fit finally calmed down. “You were right, I guess some things never change.”

As they kept talking, Richie revealed that he had gotten a job offer in Illinois and was going to be working with a new video game company.

“That’s fucking incredible, Rich! Where in Illinois did you say again?”

“I didn’t but, Cicero. It’s about a twenty minute drive from Chicago. How come?” Richie asked.

Eddie froze. All of a sudden, he was eighteen again, sitting in Richies living room the week before they left for school.  _ I guess if something is meant to happen, I guess it will. We just can’t try and control when.  _

“I’m moving to Chicago at the end of the month, I have a job and an apartment about ten minutes outside of Cicero.” Eddie replied. By the look on Richie's face, he could tell the wheels in his mind were spinning viciously. It was Richie's turn to speak.

“You’re gonna think I’m crazy. As I say this, I think I’m a little bit crazy. But what if we tried again. This. Us. We’ve both matured, me more so than you, obviously. We’re gonna be working twenty minutes from each other. I don’t have a place yet but I know rent is expensive and having a roommate I already know doesn’t sound like the worst idea. We can do this. We can make this work.” 

Eddie thought he was crazy and thankfully, Eddie liked crazy.

“I don’t want to lose you again.” Eddie spoke.

“You never lost me. I’ve always been here.”

“I love you, Richie.” 

Reaching across the table, Richie intertwined his hand with Eddies. The place where it all started. 

“I love you too, Eds.”  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for reading!!!! comments are always appreciated!! feel free to check out my other works!


End file.
